I am not a woman that decides quickly.  Many, who know me well, will be nodding wisely (or shaking their heads despairingly) at this.  They have been witness to this for many years.  Don't get me wrong, once I've put my mind to something, I can go like the blazes, however it can often take a fair bit of Weighing Up the Options before all systems are fully firing.  My mother tells the story of how, one Christmas, we looked in every shop in all of Greater Perth, before I would decide on which pair of bathers (swimming costume) I wanted as a Christmas present.  This is a slight exaggeration, but only slight.

From deep, yet very scientific, self analysis over the years I have observed that this gets worse when I am stressed or overwhelmed.  At those times, making the Exact Right Decision becomes an almost paralysing pursuit.  When we moved to London last year - to a new town, a new house, a place we knew no one and with me six months pregnant - the conditions for me making snappy decisions were not, surprisingly, there.  At a time when I was supposed to be merrily nesting and just generally feather fluffing in preparation for our new baby, all I really wanted to do was hide in a box (a fairly big one, of course) humming soothingly and reading Harry Potter books.  Instead, I waddled along as best I could, but left big decisions, like how to decorate Tiny's new room, for that longed-for time when I'd feel Up To It. 

As it turned out, those decisions remained, well, undecided, for quite a while as we worked to settle in to our new lives.  Luckily my parents intervened during their first visit and Tiny's room got a new coat of paint and some functional (and funky) furniture in time for his arrival.  The walls, however, remained blank. 

Now it is a year later and, when I have little time and even less energy, thoughts on how to shape that space for him are coming thick and fast.  In the odd, idle moment I can find myself dreaming about all the things that I would do, buy, hang, adorn, cover and finish for that room, to turn it into the warm, sweet world that I want him to feel at home in.  But at the moment they remain in my imagination as I fill each day to the brim with caring for and about this house and all the people in it.

However, bit by bit, I am bringing one idea closer to realisation.  Continuing my quest of creating a joyful, child-friendly space, I have begun to create a child-themed family portrait to show Tiny how he nestles within two interlocking families that were all, once upon a time, kids too.  I have been gathering snapshots of us all - grandparents, uncles, aunts, parents - as children, and will hang them together, in a little collection, on a wall in his bedroom.  The goal is a small display that captures the everyday jaunts and joys of our childhoods for him to ponder and enjoy as he makes his way through his own.

There is much photo editing and salvaging to do, but I think it will be worth it.  If only for the sheer pleasure of imagining us all, once upon a time.

PS:  Wasn't I cute.
PPS:  I just love the unprofessional nature of these shots.  That they are all off-centre and midway through some endeavour delights me no end.

1 comment:

  1. Were any of those photos taken by Granny W? The style is familiar.