Christmas Pudding

1 bowl of snow
warm water
almond milk
red and blue food colouring
maple syrup
soy sauce
2 scrambles of peanut butter*
15 strawberry jam*

  1. Fill bowl to top with snow; add warm water to bring to consistency of broth.
  2. Add milk and almond milk to taste.
  3. Give a small sample to the dog.
  4. Add 3 drops red food colouring, 7 drops blue food colouring, 4 drops red, 8 drops blue, 5 red, 9 blue, 6 red, 3 blue.
  5. Stir.
  6. Add maple syrup and some soy sauce, using mother's guiding hand for restraint. 
  7. Stir.
  8. Sample. 
  9. Declare that it tastes like "sunset and chickens."
  10. Squeeze ketchup bottle as hard as possible until your mother puts a stop to it.
  11. Add 2 scrambles of peanut butter (1 giant plus 1 scoop*).
  12. Stir.
  13. Sample. 
  14. Announce that the "last ingredient is very responsible" before adding 15 strawberry jam.
  15. Add remaining last ingredients: vegemite and the yoghurt from the back of the fridge that has a little blush of mould on it.
  16. Stir.
  17. Serve in generous-sized mugs.
  18. Watch while mother "samples" pudding and declares it to be the very essence of Christmas itself.

*All measurements provided by Tiny.

Disclaimer: No children or dogs were harmed in the making of this pudding.

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